How to Go From Lonely to Fearless Part 1
Nov 22, 2023
Writing my book "From Lonely to Fearless: A Guide to Conquering Loneliness, Boosting Self-Esteem, and Letting Go of Others' Opinions" was a truly pivotal time in my life.
I had thought about and dealt with a TON of loneliness in my earlier life, without necessarily recognizing or labeling what I was feeling, and how I was acting, as "loneliness."
When my life partner Betty passed away after 24 years of loving togetherness, I was 55 years old and all alone.
Loneliness returned to me with a vengeance.
I called it "grief" at the time. I could have just as easily gotten depressed. I could have started gambling or doing drugs, or any number of other behaviors. But I was lonely, bottom line.
And it turned out to be the wake-up call that I needed and wanted.
By the time I was ready to write "From Lonely to Fearless" 9 years later, I had released and resolved probably 99% of the vibration of loneliness in my life, and it was eye-opening to reflect back over my own life, as well as over the experiences of many of my clients.
I was finally able to both articulate and demonstrate that loneliness is a symptom, rather than a causation.
Loneliness is a catch-all concept, a set of thoughts and beliefs, a mindset that results when we do not feel connected to ourselves. When we see ourselves as separate from Source (God, Infinite Intelligence, Universe, etc.).
So I would like to share some take-aways from the book here, in case any of you dear readers, or others that you know, are experiencing your own unique form of loneliness.
Here is a short excerpt from Chapter One:
Have you ever felt the lack of someone’s presence before they actually left? I used to have a friend like this. I would be preparing for a trip, or returning home soon after a visit with her (we lived an hour apart and hung out quite a lot), and she would start focusing on my departure, feeling and expressing the “loss” of me, before I even left. Sometimes days or even weeks before!
“I miss you so much when you’re gone!”
“I wish you didn’t have to go!”
“When do you think you will be able to come back?”
These expressions were typically accompanied by sad looks, hand wringing, and even tears. You might call this behavior "clingy" or "needy." This is deep loneliness.
And I would say, “I’m right here now! Let’s have some fun together.” This suggestion rarely penetrated her angst, and eventually I stopped hanging around with her, even though it didn't happen super often and she was a lot of fun at other times!
Yes, I could (and did) ignore her low vibe, but we simply were not a match because of it, and eventually we went our separate ways. This is an example of loneliness destroying a relationship.
Do you ever change your plans, even plans that you are really looking forward to or that are important to your well-being, in order to convince someone to stay longer, to meet you somewhere, or to otherwise engage with you? This is loneliness.
Have you ever asked a loved one to change their plans for you, against their clear wishes and against what is best for them, so they can be available for you? This is loneliness.
Do you call a friend or anyone else every time you have any alone time? Fill the silence of your home with radio or television “noise?” Fall asleep to the same sort of noise? Hang out with people you don’t particularly like just to be with someone? This is loneliness.
Do you ever eat because you’re bored, drink or do drugs to feel numb, consent to sex when you don’t want to, do favors for people so they will like you, curb your desires in order to please others, avoid alone time like the plague, talk to fill silences, or talk without stopping in a way that the other person can’t get a word in edgewise? These are all forms of loneliness.
Loneliness not only eats away at our own well-being and limits the potential we see for ourselves and others, it puts pressure on and can even damage our relationships with those we cherish the most.
Thank you for reading. I will write more on this subject soon. It's a big topic, and one that is vital to our happiness and freedom.
Much love,
Ramona
PS I would love to hear your stories of how you have experienced or overcome loneliness in your life!